I took my lustrous locks for granted in my youth – here's what I'm doing with them in midlife

In my youth, I was lucky enough to sport a mane of long, thick, natural ringlets, a striking contrast to my tiny size eight figure. Fast-forward 30 years and my hair has halved in volume and I’m now a size 12. Despite the change in numbers though, I’m far more confident now than I was back then – one bonus of getting older is accepting yourself as you are.

As a tweenager, I envied the models’ shiny, straight, blonde hair seen on the covers of the Sweet Dreams books I loved, but by the time I was 14, I liked my distinctive curls. In the 80s while all my friends were booking perms, I was rocking the natural look, with just my trusty diffuser hairdryer to keep my curls looking their best.

With hindsight, I took my lustrous locks for granted – little did I know they wouldn’t last forever. It was only in my 40s, three kids later and once my ringlets had dropped into looser curls that I realised what an asset my hair once was. 

Growing up, my hair icons included Julia Roberts (in her Pretty Woman heyday) and Kylie Minogue for her flouncy curls in the ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ video. Interesting that they both now tend to wear their hair straight. Not me though, I’m still happily trapped in the 80s, pumping on my trusty hair mousse to keep the volume up.

Hairdresser and salon owner Errol Douglas (erroldouglas.com) says people are now “embracing” their natural curl more than ever before. “They’re unabashed about it. Once upon a time, it used to be, ‘Oh you can’t go out like that!’ but now your hair can be big and curly and you look sensational.”

Hair artist Larry King, founder of Larry King Haircare, one of the UK’s leading experts on curls, agrees. “I love curly hair,” he says. “I think it adds so much personality. It’s still seen as a point of difference – if you see someone with incredibly curly hair, I can guarantee they’ll get more compliments than anyone with straight hair.”

So why are curls so popular right now? From 50-plus curly-haired icons Nicole Kidman and Andie MacDowell to millennials such as Zoe Kravitz, Zendaya and Timothée Chalamet (on the cover of September’s British Vogue), to the models at Gucci A/W 22, it seems people are finally embracing their natural curls, waves and coils. 

My trademark ‘look’

And while I’ve had my hair professionally blow-dried straight a few times, my curly bob is my trademark ‘look’ – quirky, messy, unpredictable… just like their owner. “So many people with curly hair try to go the opposite way with it, but it’s a beautiful big shape and you should embrace it,” continues King.

Boyfriends have always liked my dishevelled ‘bed hair’ though my long-term partner complains my curls feel ‘itchy’ if they touch his face (he’s bald, so I have enough hair for us both). He likes the novelty factor of what he calls my ‘Victoria Principal’ professional blow-dry but prefers it curly overall.

Some wavy-haired women spend ages blow-drying their hair straight every morning – or religiously use straighteners. Life’s way too short for that. I’ve tried and failed to straighten mine at home twice, though I’ve been meaning to ask my partner to perfect the technique by watching YouTube demos. He’s great at DIY, how different can it be?

My eldest daughters, aged 10 and 14, have stunning waist-length waves, less curly than mine but so thick it’s like horsehair. Weirdly, my youngest, who’s five, looks nothing like us, with her straight blonde hair. And yes…I’ve heard all the milkman jokes.

Of course, with age, it’s common for hair to change in texture, thanks to hormonal shifts. Pregnancy wreaked havoc on my hair too. In fact, with every child, whether my first at 32 or my third at 42, the price I’ve paid is my curls getting straighter and thinner.

Once I’m menopausal, further hair loss may be in store I’m warned, due to the decrease in oestrogen levels, though this may only be temporary.

I’m grateful I’ve only found two grey hairs so far, but King tells me that when I do go grey, I shouldn’t be surprised if the loss of pigment makes my hair curlier, frizzier and more wiry. And the solution? “If your hair’s normal curl pattern changes, you can twist small clusters of hair around your finger when it’s wet to encourage it to curl and form more of its usual curl pattern,” he advises. “You’ll then get chunkier curls that will sit together better.”

Before you rush for the hair dye, don’t forget grey or white curls can be quite a dramatic look. “My mum is embracing her white, naturally curly hair,” says King proudly. “It does have a bit of coarseness to it, so you need to nourish grey curls with a curl cream as well as a mousse and be sure to use a moisturising shampoo and conditioner.” 

Gaby Longsworth is a Ph.D scientist and founder of AbsolutelyEverythingCurly.com, covering all you could ever need to know, including a ‘Silver Vixens’ section, providing inspiration to anyone with grey curls. She herself has a head of striking grey ringlets and explains, “Curly hair tends to be harder to get moisture into, so you need nourishing ingredients like almond oil and jojoba oil.”

“It’s drier so it needs a lot of hydration and TLC,” agrees Douglas. “Curls are very absorbent so you can also get a build-up of dirt or product at the roots, which means you need a good cleansing agent in your shampoo like peppermint. To stop your hair frizzing up at night you could also sleep on a silk pillow.” 

Hot picks

I recently discovered Sam McKnight Rich Cleanse Nourishing Shampoo, paired with Sam McKnight Rich Nourish Conditioner, (£28 each, spacenk.com) which are both ideal for thirsty hair like mine. I also rate Aveda Be Curly Shampoo, (£23.50, lookfantastic.com) plus Aveda Be Curly Conditioner, (£27, lookfantastic.com) for frizz-free, shiny curls.

There are, in fact, nine different categories of curly hair, ranging from 2A (wavy) to 4C (“thick afro coily hair”). Mine would be classed as 3A, King tells me – “fine to medium curls – the same hair type as my wife”. 

Of course, European curly hair like mine is a different beast from a full Black afro, and each different curl type needs managing accordingly. While serums turn my fine hair flat, they work well with the fuller texture of afro hair, helping to smooth frizz and add shine. 

When it comes to styling curly hair, getting the right product is vital. I’ve used mousse for as long as I can remember because without it, my hair would adopt the dreaded ‘triangle’ shape – flat on top, fluffy on the ends.

My hero product is a budget-friendly John Frieda Luxurious Volume Perfectly Full Mousse, (£5.99, boots.com) which gives me ‘big hair’ without making my curls go crispy. A more upmarket version includes the aptly named Davines More Inside: This Is A Volume Boosting Mousse, (£22, feelunique.com). And yes, I can testify, it is indeed.

My two-minute morning routine is to afro-comb my freshly washed hair (brushes would cause a fluff-fest and normal combs get stuck), then to quickly scrunch in a golf ball-sized amount of mousse throughout my hair, avoiding the roots. 

Next, I diffuse my hair upside-down for a minute or two to stop it dripping, then let it dry naturally. My colleagues have queried why I have damp hair in every morning Zoom meeting, but according to King “you can’t rush curly hair when you’re drying it.”

He suggests I should update my regime by mixing my usual mousse with a tiny amount of hair cream, to achieve the holy grail of defined curls, volume and shine. Having now added in the new Larry King Wild & Unruly Curl Enhancer, (£26, larryking.co.uk) I can confirm the results are excellent. The avocado, coconut, jojoba and olive oil help to add moisture and softness. I’ve also just discovered Umberto Giannini Curl Jelly Shine Leave-In Conditioning Curl Balm, (£10.25, lookfantastic.com) a styling product that gives a natural, frizz-free look.

I shouldn’t worry about the “crispy factor”, King tells me. The simple solution is to “separate out the curls with your fingertips once they’re dry”, he says. And he should know – his wife, daughter, brother and mother all have curls. He even named his own product My Nanna’s Mousse, (£19, larryking.co.uk) after his gran – which also works well for me. He tells me modern mousse formulas create a softer, less crispy look than they did in the past too.

Choosing the right stylist

Finding the right stylist can be a minefield. According to King, “The NVQ system that trained me – and generations of hairdressers in the UK – had missed curls entirely out of its curriculum until more recently, so a lot of people were having bad experiences in hairdressers with their curls and it meant curls were being hidden, straightened and misunderstood.” 

As a result, King says all his stylists receive four to five years of in-salon training, covering curly hair in great depth, though traditional hairdressing colleges still only allocate a couple of hours.

I can tell immediately from the way a stylist touches my hair whether they’re used to curls or not. King confirms they should never run their hands through your hair until it’s dry, “but once it’s dry and the curl bonds have formed, you can touch it as much as you like”. 

The optimum technique is to either dry your hair upside-down with a diffuser on a medium heat and low-speed setting to set the curl, or if you’re in the salon, sit back and relax under a slow ‘hooded’ hairdryer.

A good hairdresser shouldn’t get too carried away with chopping layers into curly hair either. My biggest hair disaster came at 38 during my second pregnancy. Your rate of hair shedding slows while pregnant, so I trotted into the salon with a fabulous, full mane, then came out with less than half of it, after a stylist decided it needed ‘thinning out’. I looked in the mirror in horror, but his cut was so rushed, it was already too late. 

Hairdressers need to be extra careful, says Longsworth, as “it takes much longer for us curlies to grow our hair because of the shrinkage factor.”

“A lot of hairdressers get intimidated by curly hair,” muses King . “It’s because it behaves in multiple different ways. Often people have different curl patterns running through their hair, so it might be straighter at the front and curlier at the back. Each client needs an individual approach.”

To be on the safe side, perhaps the best thing is to find a stylist who themselves has curly hair. “Only when you’ve lived with curly hair can you fully understand it,” says Longsworth. Or next best thing, marry a hairdresser, like King’s wife did.

Try these...

Left to right: Sam McKnight Rich Cleanse Nourishing Shampoo, £28, Space NK (spacenk.com); Sam McKnight Rich Nourish Conditioner, £28, Space NK spacenk.com); My Nanna’s Mousse, £19, Larry King (larryking.co.uk)

Left to right: Wild & Unruly Curl Enhancer, £26, Larry King (larryking.co.uk); Davines More Inside: This Is A Volume Boosting Mousse, £22, Feel Unique feelunique.com); John Frieda Luxurious Volume Perfectly Full Mousse, £5.99, Boots boots.com)

Left to right: Aveda Be Curly Shampoo, £23.50, Look Fantastic (lookfantastic.com); Aveda Be Curly Conditioner, £27, Look Fantastic (lookfantastic.com); Giannini Curl Jelly Shine Leave-In Conditioning Curl Balm, £10.25, Look Fantastic (lookfantastic.com)

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