Dear Teen Who Tries So Hard And Still Feels Like a Failure

To the teen who tries so hard…

I see you.

You get to every practice and train with relentless effort.

You give it your all, everything you’ve got, over and over again.

And still your benched, or you don’t cut times, or you lose that match, or you miss that goal.
It’s all so hard.

So, you think, “Why even try?”

It seems you’ll never get better and it’s not fair.

Why waste your time trying, right?

There are so many other people who don’t try as hard as you, don’t work as hard as you, don’t train as hard as you.

And those are the people who play the entire game, or cut their times, or win every match, or score all the points.

It’s defeating, discouraging, frustrating and downright exhausting.

And you are so tired of trying.

***

I see you…

You don’t miss a class and you study so hard.

You give it your all, everything you’ve got- over and over again.

And still, you fail that test, or get a bad grade, or feel hopeless about college.

It’s just so hard.

So, you think, “Why even try?”

It seems you’ll never do well in school and it’s just not fair.

Why waste your time trying, right?

There are so many other people who don’t try as hard as you, don’t work as hard as you, don’t study as hard as you-

And those are the people who ace their tests, get good grades, and get into that college. And you think no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to be smart.

It’s defeating, discouraging, frustrating and downright exhausting.

And you are so tired of trying.

***

I see you.

You’re trying to fit into that group of friends, to look a certain way, act a certain way, feel confident in who you are…

You give it your all, everything you’ve got, over and over again.

And still you don’t really fit in, or look as good as them or act as cool as they do, or feel confident in who you are.

It’s just so hard.

So, you think, “Why even try?”

It seems you’ll never fit in and it’s just not fair.

Why waste your time trying, right?

It all comes so easy for other kids to fit in, look good, and act so confident and cool. And you think no matter how hard you try, you’ll never truly belong.

It’s defeating, discouraging, frustrating, and downright agonizing.

And you are just plain tired of trying.

***

What you don’t know and don’t see are the areas where those same kids are trying hard and feel like they are failing too.

Everyone has different parts of their life that are hard, you only see their success.
I’m betting there are things that come easily to you.

And those things that come easily to you are the very things that others are trying so hard to do.

Please remember that, okay?

And let me tell you something you need to understand about all that trying. All this trying you’re doing is training you for the years to come where there will be lots and lots of trying. Your entire life will be spent trying.

You see, most of our days are lived trying and trying and trying over and over again.
It’s in all the trying that we become stronger, resilient, and wiser to who we really are.

Sure, it’s wonderful to have all our efforts result in a win, an accomplishment, success in meeting our goals, and that will come with some things and not come with others.

But it’s in the trying where we learn the most. It’s in the trying where we grow to develop perseverance and discover our strengths and understand our weaknesses.

Because when we try, we are putting effort into how we live and in who we are.

And there will be tons of that as you get older.

And all this trying, and sometimes feeling like you’re failing, defines this journey we call life.

And every single time we try, we grow in new ways and succeed in others. Some things will come easy and you can embrace and celebrate that. Other times you will try and try and try and feel like you’re failing each time.

But what we deem as failure is often disguised as growth.

It’s in our trying where we build all of who we are and all of who we’ll be. We learn new ways to manage hard things and endure tough trials. We discover new turns on the road we never would have found had we not tried. We emerge from all our efforts with newly formed courage and clarity in what we want. We develop a deeper understanding of our needs and our gifts.

And we ultimately learn to how to handle hurt and tend to our hearts.

So, don’t you think for one minute that you are the only one trying so hard and feeling like you’re failing.

We all are trying all the time.